Seeing as we’re experts on all things wedding planning, there tends to be a surge of excitement and nervous tension (sometimes downright drama) within the planning months. But then as the wedding date draws closer, the pressure is on to now pay close attention to the guest list and also the room block. It’s a game of who is coming and who is not, who’s bringing a plus-1 who wasn’t supposed to, and of course those that don’t RSVP.
Why is that?
Perhaps, like all of us, your guests are busy. Or they forgot. Or they’re waiting for something “better” to come along (sorry). Whatever the reason is, sometimes we have seen relationships between the couple and the non RSVP-er become strained due to frustration and hurt feelings, especially when it comes to co-workers, as it can become very awkward to walk up to a colleague to ask “so, are you coming to the wedding?” while other non-invited colleagues are near by.
So is it okay to send that person, or any non RSVP-er, an email? Absolutely. If you want an accurate headcount—ummm, of course you do because this is costing you a small fortune—then it is certainly acceptable and leaves you no choice but to phone or email with a pleasant “’just wanted to check in to be sure you got the invitation, as we haven’t heard from you…”. Here at Down The Aisle, we take that discomfort right out of our clients’ hands by doing this step for them, regardless of which package they’ve booked with us, if this were ever the situation. We take the reigns as a non involved third party, and we keep it friendly versus accusatory. Now, if this unresponsive guest still becomes a fence sitter or is still unsure and your deadline has passed? Then the general rule of thumb we follow, is consider this couple a “no”. There are deadlines in place for the caterer for a reason—the food/beverage order has to be ordered quite a few days in advance of the wedding.
So, next point…what happens when a guest either responds as a “yes” or has to be followed-up with to get their “yes”, but then they pull a “no show” at the wedding. They simply just don’t bother to make it to your wedding. While we haven’t seen this as much with our couples—the failure to not RSVP is much more common—this happened at my own wedding with a few guests (yes, not just one or two but a “few”) who “no showed”. It was certainly annoying of course, but nonetheless, it didn’t stop me from following-up with them afterwards to ask what happened. Turns out—believe this or not—there are parts of North America (where I am from) that simply sees an RSVP as “no big deal”, a cultural difference if you will, if they either don’t RSVP at all, or say “yes” but then don’t come. Either way, the “no-shows” will most likely feel a tad bit of guilt, while you, your in-laws or your parents can box-up some meals to save as leftovers (note: some places have policies in place that disallow this). Just don’t send the “no-shows” a bill for their meal, as this won’t take the cake.
Need help with those fence-sitters? Wanna help close the loop once and for all on your guest list RSVP’s? We’ve got that covered!